Christian Dating is a big deal in our society today, but it is rather unfortunate that many churches don’t talk about it. The irony is that a bulk of Church attendees are singles, looking to find their life partners in same setting. One would expect that teachings on Christian dating would be a priority, but that is arguably not the case.
Most times, churches are not bothered about their singles until it is time for them to marry. It is as if discussing topics on sex, dating and relationship is a taboo or too ‘unchristian’ to bring up in a gathering of holy people.
So most times, singles are left on their own to grope in the darkness and find their way. Which is why many keep repeating same mistakes and why many marriages start on the wrong footing.
If you are reading this, it means you don’t want to end up on the wrong side of marriage. You wish to have a good, godly Christian marriage that will stand the test of time. You have prayed and you feel it is the right time for you to begin the process, to begin dating.
For the purpose of this article, let’s define ‘dating’ as:
“When there is a relationship between one man and one woman which goes beyond friendship and continues into marriage.“
As you embark on this journey or perhaps you are in it already, here are 5 mistakes Christian should avoid while dating:
- Going Too Fast
Being single is a very hard and lonely place to be, especially when you have reached a certain age and people around begin to ask you questions. You find yourself under intense pressure to fast track the dating period, while you overlook things or signs that should normally raise alarm in your head. You ignore the warning signs because you have become desperate. Eventually, by the time you realize your mistake, it has become too late to step back because you don’t want to be a laughing stock; so you decide that come what may, you will ‘work it out’.
Remember, it is better to be single for a time than for you to be in a miserable marriage you will regret for the rest of your life. So take your time prayerfully and let the Holy Spirit, not your fears, guide your steps.
- Expecting Too Much
So you eventually start dating that ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ that you have always admired from afar. Before you got close, you loved the way she dressed to church, the way he led the prayers, her commitment in the choir, the way he comported himself. In fact, you loved everything about him/her. From afar. But now that you are close, you begin to notice some little mannerisms you don’t fancy or how he/she does something you don’t like like sneezing without covering his mouth. All of a sudden, you find him/her less perfect than you once thought. And you feel he/she is no longer good enough for you.
Remember, you have your own flaws too. Marriage (and dating) is a school for imperfect people. It is a school of compromises. No one is perfect.
- Expecting The Person You Are Dating To ‘Fix’ You
Perhaps you just got out of a relationship that left your hurting not long ago. Then without hearing from God and healing completely, you jump into another ship, hoping that the new person would heal the wounds or give you a sense of contentment or be the father/mother you never had. You look to him/her to give you the fulfillment only Christ gives. In the end, you come out worse than before. Then you repeat the same cycle again.
Nobody can ‘fix’ you. Only Jesus can. Why not allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in you before you begin dating again?
- Dating An Unbeliever
The Bible admonishes us never to have ‘communion’ with people who don’t love Jesus like we do. The line of ‘I will change him/her’ never works. In fact, the reverse is usually the case. There is nothing more fulfilling than dating someone that believes in Jesus the same way you do. Don’t let age, position or social status get you under pressure to do anything that will end up damaging your faith.
- Letting Your Feelings Control Your Actions
Being close to the opposite sex, especially one who you are dating, can arouse some sexual feelings in you. This is normal. Because you are a Christian does not mean you won’t be tempted sometimes. Even Jesus, our Savior, was tempted. But like Him, we must put our desires under subjection to the Holy Spirit.
One way you can control the urge is to always meet your partner in a public place. Sometimes, it’s also good to go with a Christian friend when there is need for private visit. Pray for the grace and wisdom to be in charge of your emotions all the time.
Let’s end with this Bible verse that aptly summarizes all what you have been reading:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
“In all your ways” (including dating), trust God to guide you. And He will!